Pick up your Pod
Asking for help is hard, but sometimes needed.
When I was a teenager, I accidentally said “porpoise” in a sentence instead of “purpose”. Like many things when you’re young, I kept doing it intentionally afterwards to make people laugh despite not really having a joke or any other reason. It just made me giggle.
Humans are weird, aren’t we?
But ever since, whenever I talk about purpose or hear the next person’s lesson learned from “A purpose-driven life”, I always imagine these cousins of narwhals and dolphins swimming around playfully as they discuss deeply intellectual topics. Like a Pixar movie that delves into different areas of philosophy, basically. Who wouldn’t want to see a bunch of cute marine creatures debating the big questions scholars have been working on since early recorded history?
But these cute marine friends are actually a good example in our search for purpose. You see, they’re quite smart and social creatures. And just like us, they have their own personalities and preferences that really shine through. But despite these differences, they work together to survive and thrive. Not apart, where it’s easy to get picked off.
I’m quite an introverted person, which has taught me that depending on only yourself is a recipe for disaster. Trust me, it feels like I’ve become accostomed to clamming up and doing many of the things life asks for by myself. It just isn’t sustainable year after year for the average human. You need to be social, at least a little.
Most people point to their family or hobby, any sort of group(s) they regularly see, and that’s great! But in this specific area, I’m actually pointing to people who will actually support you in being yourself.
Sometimes family and friends, while they have all the love in the world, doesn’t want to understand some of the choices we make. Or they’re openly hostile towards our plans. Regardless of what your experiences are, you know what I’m explaining is not a true support system in every sense of the term.
For the students I coach, I tell them to reach out to whoever will give them the support they need to get through their courses. Family, friends, anyone who can provide ANY help towards getting more work done. Everything from cleaning, cooking, driving, babysitting, even listening and asking questions about what they’re learning! Whatever is meaningful.
Thankfully for me, my wife and a few friends are able to step up and cover a lot when I need the help. You’ve probably found something similar in your own relationships, where one person tackles 1 aspect of a task and you handle another. While cliche, “Many hands make light work” is accurate *if all those hands are putting in the needed effort.
Splitting the work and supporting each other does require a bit of communication to get on the same page. I still have to maintain my relationships and contribute when they ask for help too. We all know that’s what a good partnership is, but sometimes it’s easy to get comfotable. Even compacent. If we let these things linger, the relationship becomes lopsided and things can get negative quickly.
I struggle with this, trust me! Maintaining relationships is hard, which is one of the reasons why I clammed up for so long and tried to be the hero of my own story. But no one is around to cheer you on after the big event when the dust settles. The loneliness bit into me more than I realized. These experiences opened my eyes to stay vigilent in my appreciation for others, so they know how I feel about their support. That way, I don’t have to celebrate my wins and dust myself off after the losses by myself.
Do you have a support network of friends and family? If you’re not confident in your answer, that’s ok. But we do need to recognize that without someone behind us, the road ahead will be rougher and more treacherous.
Below are a few links that should help you build and grow your own support system, even how to talk to someone about joining. Because asking for help isn’t easy, but sometimes it’s the right thing to do for yourself AND the people around you.
With the holidays coming up, it’s a good time to reconnect with the people in your life who you depend on and who depend on you. Whenever you get a chance, I encourage you to ground yourself with them. Savor their company like a favorite meal and take care of each other, it’ll be worth the time.
I will leave you with this: your support system is an important ingredient in the recipe to your success. You can go on without it and still achieve your goals, but that’s a completely unnessicary hard mode most of the time and will feel like something is missing. Lone wolves don’t last long in a harsh, unforgiving world. A pod of empathic, caring people can make all the different in the times you need it.
